hmm today went to watch wolverine was awesome. soo very awesome. he as a bro, he dies, theres a sex scene lols. jkjk im not going to give a way the plot. awesome show. had so much fun was bros bday. well not really his bday but like went out for his bday on monday. yups went to eat at sakura awesome place to eat but dam expensive. i didn tlook at the price when i ordered...... i ordered shabu shaubu it was .......... $22.50 T.T then i ordered desert it was ........... $9.50 ............... T.T i had a $30 dollar dinner sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff. i want my $30 backT.T wayy to much for one meal.
anyway. whats wid the title of this post? well i was in the toilet at movies
yes the toilet.
and there were posters saying stuff about depression and bi polar. so i started wondering how i have been feeling lately. and it struck me as kinda wierd i started thinking i was bi polar........ like mood swings and all. how i seem to have had them all ym life one time happy all of a sudden upset... but then i thought that was normal and crap cause like always a reason for it. but the i saw the depression poster. and that was like .................................. sounds so like me. since i have been pretty depressed lately. i know why but no one else does and i dun really care to tell any one atm sorry peoples. i dunno its like randomly i just start feelign depressed thinking about stuff and getting mroe depressed. what am i depressed about? meh lots of stuff. what botheres me? everything well not everything but lots of stuff. but yeah depression its strange at the wierdest fo times it hits u u feel like crap there nothign that makes u feel better and like it dun go away. u pretend that everythign is ok but its not. cause u dun want peopel to worry about u. and its just there. but i wonder how do u grade depression? i mean yeah i feel depressed and all but hwo do u know that u have depression like cronic depression? liek the ones u have to take pills for? sigh i dun really under stand.... oh wells.
i dun want to feel depressed and all just it keeps coming back and bugging me. i get agro or depressed and i cant think strate. its wierd what do i do now? what is my path? is everythign set for me? its odd i know what my path is but then i dunno what my path is. its so confusing. paths are always changing and all things are different.
god set a path for me he has a plan for me and do i follow that plan? atm nto very sure. or nto very closely. but i know its there and i know he's wating for me to follow that plan. so glad that god is gracious and is willing to wait for me. atm there are a few thigns keeping me sane atm. God, my friends n family, and routine. dunno what i woudl do with out them. sigh so much going through my mind atm that i dunno what im thinking everythign is just bla i dunno whats going on whats happening or whats going to happen..... all i want is to live happy and for god.
one thing thats starting to bug me is do i really know what my feelings are do i really know how i feel. i feel like i dun have nay positive emotions atm. or well not alot of them. i seem to be cynical alot of the time nowadays. i see everythign like that happens in a wierd warped way. my annoyance fuze has like gotten smaller and the tiniest thing can set me off. im nto sure whats happening but i dun like it and it just makes me feel more depresed. sigh dunno what im going to do sigh. all things change and all things are different but do they have to change for the worst? cant they change for the better? hmm i think i'll stop now im thinking too much again and its stupid really. well im going to go sleep have work tomorrow.
laters peoples
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI think it's something we all go through at times. I dunno about you but I'm reading a post I would normally write. I ask myself that at times. Like, everything is good. But something still feels wrong. And this feeling doesn't ever really seem to go away. Maybe only temporarily, or maybe only when you try to fool yourself and everyone else around you. Then I start wondering... so how much is too much depression?
ReplyDeleteI dunno, I recall saying to Amanda. "It's okay really, I'm alive. And life is good. I feel like shit every morning and every night. But I'm still alive. And no matter how I feel or what I do, tomorrow is just another day. Cause time doesn't stop even if we wanted it to..."
I always said that every year seems to change a lot. End of last year, I looked forward to 2009 more than anything. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine myself living in the reality I look at right now. If only the changes in the year were changes for the best...
shout out to zac!~
ReplyDeletelife is a complex one indeed! and having emotions that are beyond the capabilities of human language to encompass/describe is the most frustrating at times. But, because you can't articulate it doesn't mean you don't understand it, or someone hasn't felt the same way you have before.
clinical depression is one that is affecting all aspects of your life and you cannot seem to go about everyday events. I'm certain you dont have something that needs to be on pills ^^ yay family and friends for being around for us to rage hehehe >: ]
"all i want is to live happy and for god"
yes yes me too!! me too!!
Live for God = happy.
So thankful for that.. coz i didnt see that..then my priorities would be so out of line.
Side note: so they DO put posters in the guys toilets too XD ...